Male Sexuality Facts
Facts, Theories, And Information on Male
Male Sexuality Facts
The images of
sexuality and sexual relationships which are presented to us, let us say,
on the television or in movies, and in literature, and indeed particularly
in porn on the Internet, are images that it simply isn't possible for us
to replicate in our own lives.
But unfortunately it's not only our
internal sense of inferiority that belittles us.
Another reality is that
our culture actually perpetuates these myths regarding sexuality you
might well wonder why this is so, and there is plenty of reason to suspect
that this is something about the many aspects of human sexuality which we
hold in shadow, but the thing that matters is that each and every one of
us is affected by the issues around sex which we do not express openly.
For example take the
myth that men are
always ready, and indeed extremely willing, to have sex.
It's a pernicious myth, because it puts so much pressure on men, both in
their own eyes and in the eyes of their partners, to be ready for sex
whenever a woman happens to feel like it, or even when the situation
appears to demand it.
In reality a lack of interest in sex is a
common condition for both men and women, a fact which might be due to
stress caused by the complexity and difficulty of our everyday lives, or
it might be a natural aspect of being alive!
But while men labor under the impression
that they should be ready for sex at any time, the reality is that they
often find sex to be a burden.
Our culture is now beginning to accept
the fact that women have the right to say "no" to sex, but I don't think
it's yet accepted the fact that men could do profitably do so as well.
And what about the next myth you know, the one that
This is another pernicious myth, which has left men feeling inadequate,
inferior, and sexually unfulfilled.
When a myth like the one about penis size
(bigger is better) is so widespread in society, it's hard for anybody who
falls on the lower side of average, which by definition is about 50% of
men, to feel normal or adequate or good enough.
Of course the reality is that penises and
testicles come in a huge variety of shapes and sizes and that's a fact.
Like every other aspect of the human body,
it's inevitable that the sexual organs going to vary between individuals.
But of course because the penis is such a
potent aspect of our male sexuality, it's hard for men not to enter into
comparisons with each other.
The reality is that sexual pleasure is not
really connected to penis size in any meaningful way. There may be a few
women who like a large penis, because they enjoy the feeling of fullness,
or because the sight of a huge cock psychologically excites them, but the
reality is that most women are interested in very, very different values
in bed: love, connection, warmth, intimacy, and so on.
There's another myth which was summed up
in the The Forty Year Old Virgin, a film made some years ago.
That is, we are expected, as men, to know
all about sex, to be very proficient in it, and to lead the way for women
in their initiation into sexual relationships.
But in reality, 26% of college students
have never had intercourse with a partner, and while men may imagine that
everybody around them is having more sex than they are, 22% of men in any
group, assuming it's an average group, will be virgins.
There's another myth about male
performance which puts huge amount of pressure on men: you must have an
erection to be a good lover.
The reality is that men inevitably
suffer erectile failure from time to time for all kinds of reasons.
And the culture that exists around Viagra certainly tends to reinforce the
viewpoint that a man is only adequate to the extent that his penis is
But fatigue, stress, anger, relationship
issues, alcohol, prescription drugs, and in particular a lack of sexual
stimulation or arousal are all reasons why man might not be erecting a
Go easy on yourself if you have erection
problems either on a regular or an infrequent basis, and remember that
being hard is not the be-all and end-all of being in a relationship with a
Certainly Viagra can help, but where it
fails to produce a hard erection, it's likely that there are relationship
issues which need to be discussed with the therapist and/or your partner.
There's a myth about sexual intercourse
which says that sex ends when the man comes.
The reality is that although that's what
tends to happen, there's no reason why it should and indeed there is no
reason why every event where you get sexual with a partner should lead to
orgasm and ejaculation, either.
There are many reasons why cultural
expectations of men lead us to believe those things: the prime one amongst
them is that sex in our society tends to be a male-centric event. But sex
should be an event which involves both partners equally, and indeed which
is directed to the achievement of pleasure for both partners on an equal
Getting to that point from where we are now
culturally seems like a long and tedious journey and perhaps it will be.
But if you remember that women were not
even believed to reach orgasm only a hundred years ago, it should be
evident that for any change to happen, we need to start encroaching on the
established beliefs around sexuality and replacing them with more
functional ones which serve us better.
Pleasure and Relationships
One of the difficulties that we all
experience when we talk about our sexual relationships is the fact that we
are not using the same language.
For instance, do you assume that you know
exactly what your partner means when she talks about sexual desire?
It's actually not very likely that you do,
because sexual desire is a complex concept that involves not only a
biological drive to engage in sexual intercourse, but also individual
viewpoints, values and beliefs, and a factor which you can't possibly know
about, which is her internal motivation to act or not on her biological
desire to have intercourse.
What we can say with confidence, however is
that the more positive either a man or a woman's expectations and beliefs
about sexuality are, the more likely it is that he or she will enjoy sex,
want to engage in sex, and enjoy sexual pleasure.
Now of course it's not that simple
nothing in the world of human sexuality seems to be simple! For example, a
woman's pleasure depends to a large extent on whether or not her man has
the skill to
satisfy a woman sexually..... but, assuming that technical knowledge is not lacking,
consider the following situation as an example and illustration of how
sexual desire can be interpreted in different ways.
If a woman is angry at her partner, it will
make her sex drive disappear almost completely women often say how
astonished they are that
men expect to have sex soon after an argument.
And the interesting thing is that no matter
how strong a woman's sex drive may be, such an argument with her partner
can indeed make her sex drive apparently evaporate.
Equally, even if she's not experiencing a
strong sexual urge to have intercourse, but she feels close to and
intimate with her partner, she may still want to engage in sexual activity
with him just to enjoy the experience and pleasure of being and feeling
moral of this, if you haven't already guessed, is that we need to move
away from a framework of human sexuality where we talk about desire as a
biological urge, and instead start factoring in the psychological and
emotional aspects of our desire to be sexual with each other.
Factors that can play into this include
age, alcohol, drugs, birth control pills, medications, other health
problems, depression, fears and anxieties about sex and pregnancy,
emotional issues including resentment and anger your partner, a history of
sexual abuse and trauma, and so on and so forth
So what is the practical aspect of all this
when it comes to a relationship?
Well, in essence, because we have no means
of understanding each other apart from our level of communication, the
short and simple answer to that question is that we must communicate.
Only by talking to each other in a
meaningful and connected way can we possibly begin to understand each
other's differing attitudes towards sex and relationships.
On this website we're going to cover many
aspects of male sexuality, but it's important to remember that each one of
them, taken in isolation, can't possibly help a man to understand his
sexuality in the social and cultural framework in which he lives.
Not to mention
the relationship he is in!
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Premature Ejaculation Causes and Control
Updated May 5, 2019